"How long does it take to make a baby? Well it took my wife and I about 5 years an then I found out I was infertile. However, we lucked out because my wife started working late very often, and by the sixth year, she was pregnant and I didn’t have to do a thing!"

when jesus comes back im gonna instagram that so hard.

  • Taj: "Hey- I gotta tell you guys something. Me and Kasha are having a baby. We're pregnant!"
  • Everyone: "what, omg! that's so cool, congrats"..etc
  • Kasha: "So Emma, (their 7 year old daughter) "do you want it to be a boy or a girl?"
  • Emma: "um... I want it to be A HORSE!!" :D
  • Kasha: "WHAT? I-"
  • Taj: "Wait- wait," (crying from laughter) "If it is a horse, what do you want to name it?"
  • Emma: "COUCH!"
always that one friend

always that one friend

One time, all of my siblings had gone to my dad’s house, and it was just me and my mom. It was pretty late at night, almost 12:00 at night on a Friday. I was settled into bed, probably on the internet, when I hear a very faint voice coming from the living room.

At this point I immediately switch into survival mode, and very quietly make my way to the living room, which is only a short distance from my room. My heart is pounding in my head as I slowly open the door to the living room slightly, and peer out into the semi darkness to see if I can see anyone.

Nobody out there.

I still feel a little nervous.

The room is illuminated by the television that someone had left on, and as I slip into the room to go and turn it off, I hear the voice again, very faintly.

It sounds oddly familiar.

So I call out: “Is anybody there?” Hoping to get a response from my mother, perhaps beckoning me from her bedroom. But then I hear in response, very distinctly this time, the voice again: “It’s-a me, Mario!” 

Somebody had left the Wii on, after playing a video game, and it was just the main menu voices talking. 

I didn’t get murdered. 

The Icebreaker

I had been seated on the plane for a while, waiting for the remaining passengers to board. A few empty seats were scattered nearby, and I was glad because there was mostly business-men who had ipods already plugged into their ears and their laptops already perched on their discount suits. I knew none of them would attempt conversation, and I was quite relieved as I was exhausted and only interested in getting home. Then a family boarded the plane, the mother carrying a whimpering baby in one hand, and an oversized diaper bad was slung over her other shoulder walked with intent and assurance, trying to deflect the groans and whisperings people were throwing at her. The father followed close behind her, also holding a diaper bag and a young toddler who was kicking and wriggling in his arms, while prodding a young child-least five years old- along with his knee, down the isle. They approached the section of the plane I was in and my heart began to beat faster. I knew young children would pose a problem to my plan to sleep the whole flight, but I wasn’t one to get irritated with parents about their kids, unless they caused too much trouble. So I leaned back in my seat and smiled at the sheepish looking mother as she scooted into a row, trying to calm the whining baby. The father then paused in the isle, smiled at everyone seated in the sections near him, and announced: "Welcome to hell!" And took his seat. I saw as he sat down that he was grinning ear to ear.

Honest dad, classy fellow.